Let God Love You

     Some lessons take more than one time to learn. Recently God has been showing me that I need to let Him love me once again. It’s such an important lesson too. If we don’t let God love us first, we won’t be able to love others or God. So many times I’ve found myself trying to work for God and trying to please Him, but once again He reminded me how pleased He is with me already- not when I have my own ministry or have written hundreds of worship songs. He is pleased with me now, not because of what I’ve done but because of who I am in Him.

     Sometimes I feel like it’s my job to make sure everyone gets saved, but that puts an unnecessary pressure on me that God hasn’t given me. If He needed us, we would have a huge responsibility and a reason for worry. But He doesn’t need us; He wants us desperately and desires relationship with us.  I do believe God lets us partner with Him in this huge goal, but He knows what we can and can’t handle. And just like Jesus, we are to be obedient and only do what God gives us to do. He’s in control, not us. Let God be God.

     Our primary purpose is not to work for God though. He calls us to be worshipers first. Let God love you first and it will draw you to the place you were designed for- His presence.  

“Our purpose is that we might worship God and enjoy Him forever.” –A. W. Tozer

Tears of Joy: A Sister's Love

I know I haven’t blogged recently but I’ve been busy with all the activity going on at my house. Last week on August 4, 2011 my best friend and sister, Rachel got married. First of all I still can’t believe that it’s real. I have a married sister! And a brother! Growing up is such a strange thing. For all of my life I was a child. And as I was growing up, so was everyone else. It felt normal. But looking back at it growing us takes place without one realizing it. I guess I’m an adult now. Twenty years old seems like an adult-ish age. Talking with my sisters about marriage and kids was a common phenomenon growing up but it never seemed like it would happen to us. It happens to everyone else and it happens in movies but somehow it never felt it would happen to US!

                Well, it turns out that it is real. Rachel is the first of my sisters to get married and the rest of us will follow soon enough I’m sure. ;)

                This wedding has brought so much joy to my family, but more than that I know it brought glory to Jesus. God answered so many of our prayers for this wedding and I want to testify of them. Some of them were just silly prayers like asking Jesus to provide someone to videotape the ceremony, and praying for a cloud to cover the wedding party and audience to keep us cool but not rain on us. There was so much work that went into this one day, but Jesus cares about the little things. He can even keep mosquito bites from itching. I can testify to that!

But in all seriousness I don’t even know where to start.  I have just been so blown away this last week at how much God really loves us and the love he gives us for each other. I didn’t realize how much I loved my sister until this last week. In all of my selfishness, I wanted to keep her all to myself forever, but I’m starting to discover just a little bit of what real love looks like. It’s learning to let go of someone so precious and dear as a sister. I know that life would get boring if things never changed, and I know that I could never make my sister happy in the way that her husband could. It’s a new season of life and it’s such a good, good change. As much as I wanted to hold onto her forever I knew I had to let her go. What is more precious than seeing the love of Jesus reflected in a Godly marriage?

But of course, change never comes without tears. Some change leaves us with bitter, harsh tears; but some change leaves us with sweet tears of joy. As I’m sure you can tell by the title, I experiences the latter of the two kinds of change. I’ve never felt such a mix of emotion at one time. How can you be extremely happy for someone, yet so sad that they have to leave you? I can say one thing though, I have never been happier for Rachel Elizabeth Kurz than I was the day of her wedding. It brought a kind of joy that I had never experienced before. Because I know that this decision is such a good thing, I couldn’t be happier for them than I am now. Knowing that my sister is so happy brings me such joy! And we’re only human. Can you even imagine how much joy it brings Jesus when we are happy and in relationship with Him?! We don’t even have to do anything for Him and He is just happy to watch us living. And when I say LIVING I don’t mean SURVIVING. These are two very different things that I’m still learning. To say it more poetically... in racing terms, surviving is racing as fast as you can and constantly comparing your speed with the other racers to make sure you stay in the lead. Worry is a big part of surviving also. But to live is to trust Jesus that He is in control and not compare your speed or circumstances.

                Time keeps moving; life keeps happening; and the change gets easier...not to mention the incredible peace that comes from knowing Jesus.  It’s been one week since the wedding and I have never felt so much peace. I seem to get overwhelmed at times when I have to say goodbye to a close friend or sister, but Jesus hasn’t left my side once. He never does leave me, but this week He has felt especially close. It’s like His closeness assures me that even when people in my life must move on, He will never leave my side. He is my Father and Protector. He is my Friend and Provider. He is my Shelter and the Love of my life. In a world filled with change and inconsistency, HE IS CONSTANT and HE IS GOOD.

We have fun here at YWAM

So when we're not in class or on outreach we're usually either baking, going on road trips, taking pictures, or going to walmart. These may not seem like fun things to do but anything can be fun when you're with friends! So this post is just for fun since I like pictures and I love my friends!

This was taken way back in March when we drove down to Texas for our School of Evangelism (SOE.) This is Meghan and Sarah by the way. I'm the one in the middle with with an unusually happy expression (in case you couldn't tell)

Kaitlin and I go to El Paso (her home town) for the weekend. It took 12 hours to get there. I was very stir crazy by the end of it.

Esther, Kaitlin, and I taking pictures at the park in 100 degree weather. Thankfully you can't tell that it's that hot. =P

AND HERE'S SOME PIZZA WE MADE!! Quite delicious I must say ;)

Keep My Eyes On Jesus!

        

Yesterday at our Sunday night meeting our speaker, Rick Allegretto, spoke about how important our attitude is. He said statistics show that

                15% of success is determined by knowledge of your job whereas…

                85% of success is determined by your attitude

This goes for more than just your job but life in general. Knowledge is important, don’t get me wrong, but when it comes down to it, our attitude and approach to life is way more important. When we keep our eyes on Jesus and allow Him to be our source of strength and joy, then no matter what circumstances come our way we will stand firmly on the Rock of our Salvation, Jesus Christ. It’s not about whether we are having a good day or bad day; God calls us to live according to truth- His truth, not our emotions that fluctuate so often. “Regardless of public opinion we are accountable to what the truth is.” Whether we worry too much, get discouraged, or just try to do things on our own; we need to look at the truth of God’s Word. All of these things happen when we take our eyes off of Jesus and look at our circumstances.

“Never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light.” –Rick Warren

When Peter stepped out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus, he was doing great until he looked at the storm and took his eyes off of Jesus. When Satan was tempting Jesus in the desert, Jesus didn’t depend on how hungry he was feeling or any other thoughts, He depended solely on the Word of God. He understood that truth was the only thing that He could fight with. 

This is such a simple truth but it’s so relevant: Have an attitude like Jesus did. Keep the main thing the main thing. When Jesus is our Lord- the center or our lives- then we won’t get distracted and caught up with meaningless things. The cares of this world won’t seem like giants anymore. This takes laying down our will and surrendering to the will of God. This is not something that we can just make happen. Taking our hands off and laying down our selfishness is a process that we need the Lord’s help in. He is more than willing to help us. We just have to be willing. “Jesus, keep my eyes on You!”

“For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!” -2 Corinthians 4:17

Love God With All Your Mind

I thought I would write a little update about my life since I haven’t in awhile… Now where do I start?! Well these last few weeks we’ve been learning a lot of theology which has been really stretching. I grew up believing a lot of these things because I was taught it in church and at home. This past month I have started to understand a little bit of what “loving God with all your mind” means. It’s asking Him the hard questions; it’s wrestling with God about my beliefs. I used to think that questioning my beliefs was the opposite of faith and that it would make my relationship with Jesus distant. Why would you question God?

I’ve come to realize that if your heart is to know God more then struggling with God in these areas is not a sign of weakness but a sign of hunger for God to grow closer in intimacy with Him. I used to live off of emotional highs in worship and think that that in itself was love for God. We aren’t meant to stay “baby Christians” though. God says in His word that we are to be able to give an answer to why we believe what we believe. How are we supposed to get to that place unless we’ve studied for ourselves and talked to God about it?

“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

                                                                                                                1 Peter 3:15

Home Away From Home

This last week my School of Evangelism (SOE) team and I went to Chicago for urban missions. We stayed at the YWAM base there and did a variety of activities including prayer walks up and down Devon Street, which has many different nationalities including Indian, Pakistani, and Israeli. We visited a Mosque and a Hindu temple to learn about their beliefs. We heard from a few different speakers about urbanization and God’s plans in it all.

So you may be asking “what is ‘Urbanization’ and what’s so important about it?” I had the same question and I’ve learned a lot this last week. First of all, the world is becoming “urbanized” meaning that more and more people are moving to cities. There are still people that live in the country but most people are moving into cities for jobs or other various reasons. At the end of the book of Matthew, Jesus gives us a command saying “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations.” This is what we call the Great Commission. Go literally means a change in location; and making disciples is what we need to be doing. I believe Jesus is still calling us to the remote places of the earth, but He also calls people to major urban areas. When you go to another country or people group, you must learn the language and the culture. You must travel and adapt to different living situations. It’s worth it to spread the gospel and make Jesus known if that’s where He’s calling you to, but when they start moving to us- they are doing half the work. They start to adapt to our culture. We just need to make ourselves available to them. They are right outside our door and half the time we don’t take the opportunity to reach out to them.

I have lived in Chicago my whole life and never had this revelation. What a crazy thought! The nations are coming to us and all we need to do is be available and ask God what our part is.

The leader of YWAM Chicago, Brad Stanley, had an incredibly huge heart for this city and for God’s purposes. It was an incredible time to be under His leadership and learn so much from Him. Plus riding in a 15 passenger vans with dozens of crazy YWAMers is priceless!  

The Active Pursuit of Brokenness

Like a shepherd, Jesus delights in taking care of us. Picture a lamb that is independent. When his shepherd goes to pick him up, his legs stiffen and he resists the tenderness that the shepherd has for him. Or a child that wants to have his own way; when his father tries to pick him up, he will resist with all his might and try to squirm out of his arms. You see, the father has such a love for his child that he wants to hold him close and show him his affection, but the child resists and doesn’t see it as love. It’s the same with our heavenly Father. He wants to show us His affection because He loves us and delights that we are His children! There is no other reason or ulterior motive in His heart but to simply love on His kids. Often times pride creeps in and independence stiffens our hearts to the tenderness of God’s affections revealing our weaknesses and need for brokenness. So many times the Christian walk is perceived as being without struggles. There have been times where I have had preconceived ideas about what my walk with Jesus should look like. He has been revealing to me over the past couples months my need to be broken before Him, but we are not meant to live in self pity and be passive about our relationship with Him. We were created to be in an interdependent relationship with Christ where our eyes are focused on Him and not our problems. It is only then that we truly thrive and are most effective for the kingdom of God. He can use us so much more when we cease our control and resistance and lean into His will. There’s no telling what He could do with a willing heart as we actively pursue Him.

My new adventure: Blogging and Jesus!

I am a part of a non-profit mission’s organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM.) Our mission here is to first know God and then make Him known in the world. I started my journey here at YWAM Tyler (in Texas) fall of 2009 with a 5 month Discipleship Training School (DTS.) God led me to continue my training in the fall of 2010 with a School of worship (SOW) which grew my heart for what worship really is. It gave me a greater perspective of how intimate worship is as we seek God in our personal relationship with Him and then as we worship Him corporately as the body of Christ. I recently returned for a School of Evangelism (SOE.) I will be participating in the lecture phase that will conclude at the end of June.

During my School of Worship, God had also been teaching me a lot about trusting Him. When I came home (about 2 months ago) I was unsure of my next step, but I wanted to be obedient to what God was calling me to and trust Him. I felt Him leading me to step out in faith, trusting that He will financially provide for me to return to do this SOE. During my month home, I started to doubt that He would provide because I didn’t see the finances come in, in my time frame. The day before I was supposed to leave, I didn’t have much of my tuition money; I had to make the decision to either stay home or take a step out in faith. As I continued to pray and sought guidance from my parents, I felt the “go ahead” to take the risk of trusting God to provide. The worst thing that could have happened is I could be wrong in hearing God’s voice and be sent home for not having my tuition. I wanted to be obedient to His call to trust Him with my finances because at that point I had no way of making something happen myself. So I told God “I can’t make anything happen. If you want me there you are going to have to provide because humanly speaking this isn’t possible. Money isn’t going to just rain down from the sky.” The next day I drove down to Texas with a few friends. A week went by and I still didn’t have my tuition money, but I kept giving the situation over to God, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. If he didn’t want me there, I know that He would have something else for me to do. A few days later, God miraculously provided through a couple I know from home. God spoke to the woman through a dream of me evangelizing. Waking up from the dream she was impressed to support me for 2/3rds of my tuition. This was the amount that I needed to continue on in my school. I was extremely blessed by her generosity and obedience to God’s call. Through this step of faith, God first-handedly revealed to me His provision when we walk in obedience. God showed me the reality of Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” We tend to put God in a box of what we expect Him to do. When we take the risk to trust Him, without having a back-up plan, we give Him the opportunity to work in power and increase our faith.

My ultimate goal in doing SOE is because it’s a requirement to come back on staff. At this point I’m aiming towards going into full time missions. My heart is to serve God and love people. There is nothing more satisfying than being at the center of God’s will for my life and walking with Him. I also want to learn more about sharing my faith and the practical side of missions. I’m excited for this new adventure of learning and discovering where God is leading me.