The Active Pursuit of Brokenness

Like a shepherd, Jesus delights in taking care of us. Picture a lamb that is independent. When his shepherd goes to pick him up, his legs stiffen and he resists the tenderness that the shepherd has for him. Or a child that wants to have his own way; when his father tries to pick him up, he will resist with all his might and try to squirm out of his arms. You see, the father has such a love for his child that he wants to hold him close and show him his affection, but the child resists and doesn’t see it as love. It’s the same with our heavenly Father. He wants to show us His affection because He loves us and delights that we are His children! There is no other reason or ulterior motive in His heart but to simply love on His kids. Often times pride creeps in and independence stiffens our hearts to the tenderness of God’s affections revealing our weaknesses and need for brokenness. So many times the Christian walk is perceived as being without struggles. There have been times where I have had preconceived ideas about what my walk with Jesus should look like. He has been revealing to me over the past couples months my need to be broken before Him, but we are not meant to live in self pity and be passive about our relationship with Him. We were created to be in an interdependent relationship with Christ where our eyes are focused on Him and not our problems. It is only then that we truly thrive and are most effective for the kingdom of God. He can use us so much more when we cease our control and resistance and lean into His will. There’s no telling what He could do with a willing heart as we actively pursue Him.

My new adventure: Blogging and Jesus!

I am a part of a non-profit mission’s organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM.) Our mission here is to first know God and then make Him known in the world. I started my journey here at YWAM Tyler (in Texas) fall of 2009 with a 5 month Discipleship Training School (DTS.) God led me to continue my training in the fall of 2010 with a School of worship (SOW) which grew my heart for what worship really is. It gave me a greater perspective of how intimate worship is as we seek God in our personal relationship with Him and then as we worship Him corporately as the body of Christ. I recently returned for a School of Evangelism (SOE.) I will be participating in the lecture phase that will conclude at the end of June.

During my School of Worship, God had also been teaching me a lot about trusting Him. When I came home (about 2 months ago) I was unsure of my next step, but I wanted to be obedient to what God was calling me to and trust Him. I felt Him leading me to step out in faith, trusting that He will financially provide for me to return to do this SOE. During my month home, I started to doubt that He would provide because I didn’t see the finances come in, in my time frame. The day before I was supposed to leave, I didn’t have much of my tuition money; I had to make the decision to either stay home or take a step out in faith. As I continued to pray and sought guidance from my parents, I felt the “go ahead” to take the risk of trusting God to provide. The worst thing that could have happened is I could be wrong in hearing God’s voice and be sent home for not having my tuition. I wanted to be obedient to His call to trust Him with my finances because at that point I had no way of making something happen myself. So I told God “I can’t make anything happen. If you want me there you are going to have to provide because humanly speaking this isn’t possible. Money isn’t going to just rain down from the sky.” The next day I drove down to Texas with a few friends. A week went by and I still didn’t have my tuition money, but I kept giving the situation over to God, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. If he didn’t want me there, I know that He would have something else for me to do. A few days later, God miraculously provided through a couple I know from home. God spoke to the woman through a dream of me evangelizing. Waking up from the dream she was impressed to support me for 2/3rds of my tuition. This was the amount that I needed to continue on in my school. I was extremely blessed by her generosity and obedience to God’s call. Through this step of faith, God first-handedly revealed to me His provision when we walk in obedience. God showed me the reality of Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” We tend to put God in a box of what we expect Him to do. When we take the risk to trust Him, without having a back-up plan, we give Him the opportunity to work in power and increase our faith.

My ultimate goal in doing SOE is because it’s a requirement to come back on staff. At this point I’m aiming towards going into full time missions. My heart is to serve God and love people. There is nothing more satisfying than being at the center of God’s will for my life and walking with Him. I also want to learn more about sharing my faith and the practical side of missions. I’m excited for this new adventure of learning and discovering where God is leading me.